- Make sure your children know that win or lose, scared or
heroic, you love them, appreciate their efforts, and are not
disappointed in them. This will allow them to do their best
without a fear of failure. Be the person in their life they can
look to for constant positive enforcement.
- Try your best to be completely honest about your child's
athletic capability, their competitive attitude, sportsmanship,
and actual skill level.
- Be helpful, but don't coach them on the way to the rink,
pool, or field, or on the way back, or at breakfast, and so on.
Its tough not to, but its a lot tougher for the child to be
inundated with advice, pep talks, and often critical
instruction.
- Teach them to enjoy the thrill of competition, to be out
there trying, to be working to improve their skills and
attitudes. Help them to develop the feel for competing, for
trying hard, for having fun.
- Try not to re-live your athletic life through your children
in a way that creates pressure; you fumbled, too, you lost as
well as won. You were frightened, you backed off at times, you
were not always heroic. Don't pressure them because of your lost
pride.
- Don't compete with the coach. If the coach becomes an
authority figure, it will run from enchantment to
disenchantment, etc., with your athlete.
- Don't compare the skill, courage, or attitudes of your
children with other members of the team, at least within his
hearing.
- Get to know the coach so that you can be assured that the
philosophy, attitudes, ethics, and knowledge are such that you
are happy to have your child under this leadership.
- Always remember that children tend to exaggerate, both when
praised and when criticized. Temper your reaction and
investigate before overreacting.
- Make a point of understanding courage, and the fact that it
is relative. Some of us can climb mountains, and are afraid to
fight. Some of us will fight, but turn to jelly if a bee
approaches. Everyone is frightened in certain areas. Explain
that courage is not the absence of fear, but a means of doing
something in spite of fear or discomfort. The job of the parent
of an athletic child is a tough one, and it takes a lot of
effort to do it well. It is worth all the effort when you hear
your youngster say, My parents really helped, I was lucky, in
this.
Thanks to the Bruce Douglass and the Boulder Valley Lacrosse
Association
http://www.boulderlacrosse.org/ for their permission to post
the Ten Commandments for Parents of Athletes on our website.
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